Mercy, me
An Advent reflection
by Kathleen Norris

Chris Erdman writes:

Over 31% of college-educated male workers are regularly logging 50 or more hours a week at work, up from 22% in 1980. About 40% of American adults get less than seven hours of sleep on weekdays, up from 34% in 2001. Almost 60% of meals are rushed, and 34% of lunches are choked down on the run. To avoid wasting time, we’re talking on our cell phones while rushing to work, answering e-mails during conference calls, waking up at 4 a.m. to call Europe, and generally multitasking our brains out.
BusinessWeek, October 3, 2005

That’s the bad news, the good news is that there’s a revolt afoot. Leaders are recognizing that their lives, driven by work, are out of control. They’re learning to flip the “off switch”. Says Paul Saffo, a director at the Institute for the Future, a think tank based in Palo Alto, California: “Solitude is the scarce resource in business lives—having that time when you are disconnected and realize that everything will go along fine without you.” One top level executive has given up cell phones and computers saying, “I never had time to think.” Another says, “Now I make sure there’s at least one day when I don’t even touch a keyboard.”

Many Americans are growing suspicious of the modern assumptions that drive us to work harder, produce more, and spend more time at work; Modernity has not freed us but has made us captives of the totalitarian regime of industry. What’s more, we no longer have the reflective space to do the mental and spiritual work necessary to form the kinds of communities whose intellectual and moral life can sustain us through the “new dark ages which are already upon us” (Alastair McIntyre) . . .

. . . Modernity placed an emphasis on the “herculean labor” of intellectual work (Kant) and asserted that every action must have meaning—that being passive is senseless (Rauschning, Gespräch mit Hitler). Today, we see signs of a revolt against the “bankrupt” assumptions of Modernity (Goethe) and the “intellectual sclerosis” (Joseph Pieper) born of Modernity’s vision of perpetual activity.

It saddens me that the church is slow to lead in this revolt and even slower to lead us into a recovery of the kind of life that can save us. Significant to the problem of the Modern church’s malaise is its failure to be reflective, to enter and practice the grace of Sabbath, a holy stillness. It saddens me more that I am a huge part of the problem.

I am thoroughly Modern. In my work ethic I am catechized more by Modernity than by the church’s history. I am coming up against the bankruptcy of this ethic both professionally and personally. Professionally I see the dangers of perpetuating congregational systems built on the sand of “Herculean labor.” Personally, my entrance into middle-age and my recent diagnosis of Crohn’s Disease (incurable and exaggerated by stress) means that I can no longer continue this pace of life and live well. The wear and tear on my physical, intellectual, and spiritual equipment means that I can no longer achieve by sheer effort and act of the will what I once produced. The mind and soul often feel gummed up. Working the equipment harder no longer works. I am beginning to sense the coming breakdown Goethe prophesied. And unless I change, I will not only be unable to lead the congregation into the future God has for us, but will actually hinder our growth in godliness because the congregation will lack a witness that frees it from the gridlock of a way of life that values the excessively active even while it becomes increasingly shallow and under-capitalized.

Servlife builds some houses in Thailand.

This is from a small collection of devotional writings from the Orthodox tradition:

Of the many things which impede our salvation the greatest of all is that when we commit an transgression we do not at once turn back to God and ask forgiveness. Because we feel shame and fear we think that the way back to God is difficult, and that He is angry and ill-tempered towards us, and that there is need of great preparation if we wish to approach Him. But the loving-kindness of God utterly banishes this thought from the soul. What can prevent anyone who clearly knows how kind He is and that, as it is said, “while you are yet speaking He will say, ‘Here I am, ‘” from approaching Him at once for pardon of the sins which he has committed?

Indeed, what would prevent us? Pride. Unbelief. What else?

Last Sunday’s lectionary had us reading Psalm 26. Admittedly we were a bit skeptical about the writer’s opening line, “Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the LORD without wavering.” This version, the NRSV, is a little easier to swallow but many of the other translations substitute ‘blameless’ for ‘walked in my integrity.’ Now really, David? The man who had the other guy killed so he could have his wife? Frankly, there are times when this guy’s life seems similar to an episode of the Sopranos. And yet scripture tells us that David was a man after God’s own heart.

Amazingly enough God says, in 1 Kings 8, that David walked before God with integrity of heart and uprightness. Wow!

So either God chooses to overlook some people’s indiscretions and bad decisions or what? Abraham had some foul-ups and yet he was known as a friend of God, in Romans and again in James he is given as an example of righteousness. The Corinthian church, despite all their serious issues, were called “saints” by the Apostle Paul. Peter, the manly man, the guy you’d have speak at the men’s retreat, was intimidated by a servant girl so much he denied Christ.

These people seem stunningly ordinary, more like you and me then heroes…more like those folks that show up on talk shows. What gives?

Mercy and grace. Redemption. The cross.

Some believe that these particular sinners were chosen by God in spite of their sinfulness and this alone is the reason for their status as righteous ( re: they were elect ). I’ve got to believe that this mercy and grace was actually available to everyone but that it was, pardon the word, actualized by the faith and subsequent obedience of the candidates. Though they made terrible choices and committed gross sin, the overall trajectory of their lives was that of faithfulness. They wanted God. They wanted to be right by God. They kept coming back.

Peter, after hearing the rooster crow, realized that Jesus was right about him - he was the kind of guy that would deny a friend at a critical time of need (and not just any friend at that ). And when he did he broke down and wept. His sorrow, this repentance, was proved genuine by the life that followed. I’m sure Judas did some crying as well when he realized what he had done but I believe what he did next demonstrated that his sorrow was not the kind indicative of repentance. We may not be capable of blameless behavior but we are capable of repenting, of throwing ourselves on God’s mercy, and, by faith, rising again to follow God.

I want a zeal for knowing God. I don’t want to quit. I want to be known as a friend of God, a righteous man, but I’m well aware of my tendency to be much less. To miss the mark, as they say. With this in mind I want my primary prayer to be for humility and brokenness. While I’d like to be a poster child for victorious living I’m afraid I can’t cut it and if I did I’d probably be an insufferable ass about it (an apparent contradiction of the assumed meaning of victory). So God help me to keep coming back, with Godly sorrow and true repentance. I believe that’s what you want from me. And when I have served my generation may it be true that I was man of integrity who walked in uprightness before you.